Trump, Change Your Spray Tan, SS Says

Trumps Transition
Projected changes in President Trump's appearance.

Washington, D.C.- The Secret Service has asked President Donald Trump to alter his orange hue to make him harder to spot.

On Sunday, the US Secret Service confirmed reports that it believes the President’s trademark orange makes him an easier target for snipers. “He’s like a big orange beacon,” said Deputy SAC Gerald Munson. “We have to make him blend in out there.”

SAC Jack Donaldson said the agency also requested that President Trump alter or shorten his hairstyle, but Trump was unreceptive. SAC Donaldson would not elaborate further on the comment.

“Mr. Trump knows that his power is in his hair,” said Trump biographer Sam Clemens, when reached for comment. “There is no way he trims it. It’s just too important to the aura of Trump. He can be persuaded to change his spray tan mixture, though. It has been many years of using Yellow #6, but I’m sure he could see the value to his safety there.” Yellow #6 is widely believed to be the main artificial color in Cheetos, a popular junk food snack.

A spokesperson for the president said that he will take the recommendations of his protective detail under advisement. It is unclear if the president has made any effort to make the requested changes, however, some say they have noticed a more natural look from him. “Trump looks good,” said White House Intern Jennifer Woods. “Healthier, even.”

A person close to the First Lady claimed the president’s wife said, “Thank God! It’s like banging a Dorito up in here,” upon learning of the request.

It is not clear what prompted the requested change. The Secret Service refused to comment on why they requested it, citing a policy not to disclose security concerns related to Mr. Trump.


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