New TSA “Nude Check” Allows Disrobed Passengers Faster Security Lines

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Las Vegas, NV – McCarran International Airport will be the first testing point for the TSA’s new “N-Check Point” which is short for “Nude Check Point.” As security lines have become a massively inconvenient waste of time over the years, the TSA has always sought to find ways to shorten the process. First, it was “pre-check” where people who had paid a fee to a third party company could be pre-screened to bypass the longer lines (because no terrorist group would ever think about making sure their asset had pre-check qualifications).

However, despite these measures and countless mounting of rules and regulations guiding the screening actions of the TSA, lines continue to get longer and longer while garbage cans full of dangerous H2O piles up next to them. Enter: N-Check. Now there will be no more awkward pat downs and searches of the young or elderly or drag queens passing through town for a convention. By agreeing to walk through TSA completely nude, one is now only risking full cavity search since it will be more clearly visible if any dangerous items may be taped or tucked along the body of would-be travelers.

Much like Pre-Check, the new faster line will not be free and comes with a price tag of $200 application fee plus the co-pay at your doctor who screens you for any transmittable skin conditions so that disrobing at the checkpoints won’t cause any issue. McCarran executives were eager to be the first airport to experiment with the new process as internal studies show 26% of the travelers passing through their airport are already mostly unclothed so it may actually reduce bottlenecks throughout the airport check-in and baggage claim processes.

If successful, Virgin Atlantic founder Richard Branson said that they may take it one step further and offer “free ballin’ flights” where passengers will be allowed to remain naked from TSA to landing, offering “the most relaxing and enjoyable in-flight services ever made available over international waters.”

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