Cop with Y Chromosome Identifies as Pregnant Female, Gets Family Leave

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TRENTWOOD, NJ – “We think she’s playing games but our hands are culturally tied.” Those were the words of Captain Bongino after the public became aware of the bold claim of Corporal Jennet, an 8 year veteran of the Trentwood Police.

Jennet shocked the administration when he (preferred pronoun unknown at time of writing) filed for the Family and Medical Leave Act for 12 weeks off work because he now “identifies as a pregnant woman.” The claim left the decision makers in the higher ranks scratching their heads with seemingly no option but to grant the leave request.

Jennet’s attorney, John Kardazan, issued a statement to media gathered at the entrance of the station:

If this agency or any others thinks that scientific fact or lack of a verifiable pregnancy is going to pressure my client to back down, they will be sorely disappointed. My client feels like a pregnant woman and that alone is enough to settle the matter in today’s world. She is brave for showing her hometown (and now the world) that feelings, not facts, should be what drives us into a bright and equitable future.

An investigation by BNN into Jennet shows that his family had booked a cruise during the planned leave from his patrol position. However, when confronted by this Kardazan snapped “Typical bigots,” and stormed off, ending the press conference.

Since first becoming aware of this story, BNN has discovered that two more officers are stirring the pot at the department by respectively identifying as 25 year veterans in order to qualify for their future pension immediately. Upon an employment history check, the two officers have a combined experience of 4.5 years on the job.

7 COMMENTS

  1. Hey “Mikethecop”: there are a lot of idiots that will believe you, and as a result will persecute a lot of innocent people. Your words will be quoted as gospel truth to bludgeon people who are just trying to make their contribution to society and get through life. You may think it’s hilarious. It’s not. You’re a jerk.

    • Your idea of “persecution” is probably different than mine. You want to call me names because I wrote a satire piece, have at it. Says a lot more about you than me.

  2. I realize this is your attempt at “satire.” However, it is you punching down. Gender identity is not a punch-line to make yourself and your like-minded, close-minded friends and followers laugh. Articles like this genuinely contribute to the depression, anxiety, and pain of trans, nonbinary, and genderfluid people. You’re not being funny, you’re being an asshole.

    • You call me closed-minded while you do nothing but ASSUME everything about my perspective based on SATIRE. Then, you don’t want me to even satirically criticize people while you get to call me an asshole. If you can’t see the built in hypocrisy to that, well, God speed in this world intellectually.

  3. I’ve heard some jokes in my time, but that’s taking the piss. I can’t help but cringe when I read some of the shit these days and think what the fuck is going on with people. So many social media wanna be’s has evolved that commonsense and respect for each other has vanished…

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