‘Badge Bunnies’ to Receive Dependent Benefits

10
3587
Britani Jacobs happy to finally get the benefits she deserves.

Nashville, TN – Nashville Metro Police Department on Sunday announced a pioneering new program in which women who chase police officers for romantic interest, affectionately called ‘Badge Bunnies,’ will be offered healthcare under their amorous companion’s health plan.

Captain Danny McCall of the patrol division said of the plan, “These ladies do a great service to the men and women of the police department.  Their selfless dedication to helping our police officers is unmatched.  They are literally willing to do ANYTHING a police officer asks.  It’s only right that we reward their hard work and sacrifice.”

“People don’t realize how hard it is to get close to these officers.  They have wives and families, and a really hectic work schedule, so you’re constantly having to adjust your own schedule to find some one-on-one time with your LEO.  It’s not fair,” said Britani Jacobs, a local hairdresser, who will be the first beneficiary of the plan.  “We deserve at least some benefit.  I mean, their wives get all kinds of benefits.”

The plan covers all medical expenses after meeting the deductible of $1,000, however, treatments for any sexually transmitted diseases and all childbirth-related expenses are exempt from the deductible.  In the event of the birth of a child, the plan will pay $700 a month to the mother as child support.

“This is a great benefit to our officers and will help us attract new recruits and experienced officers alike,” says Chief Steve Anderson.  “Our officers have so much concern for their Badge Bunnies.  This program will alleviate stress and allow our officers to be more effective at policing their community.  There is a huge taxpayer benefit here.”

Chief Anderson further explained that studies done by the Tennessee Department of Justice Affairs predict that this plan will reduce officer stress, thereby lowering instances of excessive force and resultant keyboard activism.

Not everyone is happy with the move.  Officer Jason Davis says, “This is a waste of taxpayer resources.  Spouses already get benefits, and no one sleeps with someone to whom they aren’t married.”  The interview with Officer Davis, a former state trooper, was cut short when he saw his grandmother speeding five over and had to pull her over.  She was issued a citation.

James Portwood, president of the Nashville chapter of the Fraternal Order of Police, is regarded as the architect of this pioneering and innovative recruitment and retention-based benefit package.  “My officers brought this concern to me, and I was able to draft a proposal.  To his credit, Chief Anderson jumped right on board and worked diligently to get this put together.  I thought it would be harder.”

When asked if the extension of these benefits was in any way related to the recent flood of sick time used by nightshift officers from the Midtown Hills Precinct for treatment of chlamydia, Chief Anderson had no comment.

10 COMMENTS

  1. I just found this site, please keep writing, this stuff is awesome. Sadly it appears many citizens have been subject to alien anal probing and the sad result is a complete lack of understanding and humor.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here